Forbidden
by Celestial Slytherin-Black
Summary: Harry likes Sirius, and so far it is a one-sided love. Harry writes in his journal so there are a lot in the fic. Slight Hr/Rem and some non-graphic rape. Enjoy!!!! Please R/R!!
1. A Dark Past Revealed

Title: Forbidden; Author: Celestial Pendragon Rating: R Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to the wonderful person named JK Rowling who is a GODDESS!!!! Now, //...//=italics, **...**=bold, (.....) and -.....-=Heron's side notes in the journey entries, {.....}=author notes, *...*=emphasis, *~*...*~* =Heron talking telepathically ~*~...~*~ =Harmony talking telepathically. Warning: This story is angst and has rape in it (non graphic though) and there are diary entries in the story that I (think) are non-graphic. My e-mail address in: sailor_maurader@yahoo.com Summary: Harry loves Sirius but (so far) it is one-way love. Harry writes a lot of diary entries, so watch out for them. Author notes: Thanks to JK Rowling, for without her, none of this can be here.  
  
Secrets Revealed of a Dark Past  
  
Everyday I see you, passing in the hallways on the way to class. I wish to talk to you but I can't since my tongue goes twisted around you. I can't talk so I just nod hello respectfully with my eyes lowered, so I don't have to see your glittering chocolate brown eyes that smile on its own accord.  
  
Oh those beautiful chocolate brown eyes... I just want to drown in them when I see them crinkle in affection when you see my parents, uncle, and adopted uncle that was made family (I adopted him) in my 3rd and 4th year. I see your eyes light up with a fire when talking to your rival and twinkle with laughter when you talk about pranks. I see your eyes shine with a hidden power and bright light when you defend me and your friends, my family.  
  
I try to tell jokes, to get you to notice me and laugh. Oh that laugh... How I'd just die for it. I'd do anything for that laugh- even let Malfoy beat me in a Quidditch game. *Sigh* I'd go to the ends of the Earth to hear it. I even overheard my parents and uncles say that in life, you could go out in laughs or tears, and you decided to go out in laughs all the way.  
  
I also try to see that smile of yours. That smile... I feel like the luckiest man on Earth when it's directed to me. Of course, you don't see me as a man. You see me as a boy, your godson. You and Snape may think that I'm treated like a king at the Dursley's, (probably the only thing you'll both ever agree on) but I'm not. I am anything but special **but** special there. But then again, I guess I am special there. A special freak. A special punching bag. A special beating body. A special sex toy to fuck until I scream in pain.  
  
Pain. Something I am very familiar with. The Crutacious {sorry but I don't know how to spell that {I don't have my book on me} for the life of me.} Curse is nothing compared to what I go through every summer.  
  
.....It started when I was only 3..... I was dusting the furniture when I was suddenly dazed by a smack upside my head. From then on, Petunia found out that she enjoyed hitting, so she beat me with anything that she could get her hands on -rolling pins, frying pans, bashing me against the refrigerator, the cupboards, the faucet in the sink, her husband's tools.....  
  
When I was only 5, I found out that my oh so wonderful relatives have let my teachers have their way with me. The hard way. After I got detention for "blinking at them wrongly" -how the fuck can you blink at someone wrongly?- When they (the teacher and teacher's aid) locked the door, closed and curtained the windows, and dimmed the lights (we were in acting class) and one of them grabbed my from behind and squeezed my ass, while the other one went and grabbed my dick and then they both grabbed their twigs -sticks? no, wands- and said something -was it pecante? or peanut? I'm sure it was something with p..... Oh yeah! That's it! It was plenary- and suddenly I got all hard and stuff, and I had all these thoughts running through my mind-- like I wanted to stroke and lick Scott's cock (teacher's aid) and suck and graze my teeth lightly against his shaft (Jack's cock) (teacher) -No! No, I won't DO IT!!!! -and I begin to moan in pleasure as Scott begins to run the pads of his hands up my cock with the fingers trailing up..... -oh god! I must stop. I must STOP!- I try to get my mind out of the fog it's in while I take Jack inside my mouth, sucking him hard, while acting like I was chewing him up gently and playing with his balls with one hand and giving Scott a hand job with the other hand. I gently put a finger in his opening, hitting his prostate, making him moan in pleasure, as I add finger after finger, until 4 of my 5 fingers are in him, and I speed up Scott's hand job making him groan in delight. As soon as I feel that they are rock hard and feel that they are about to cum, I stop and they start to whimper in disappointment. Suddenly, the fog that was in my mind lifted and I realized what I was doing. When I looked at them in horror, pulling up my pants at the same time, I heard Jack say to Scott, "Uh oh..... Psst, he broke out of it....." As soon as I heard that, and saw them pulling their clothes back on, I bolted for the door and found it locked. When I heard a sound from behind me, I turned around and saw Scott and Jack moving toward me. I then concentrated on my powers -yes, I do know why the Dursley's call me a freak- and made them forget what happened, what they did to me, who I am, and got the hell outta there. When I got back to the Dursley's house -I'll never think of it as home- Petunia jumped as I teleported in front of her in a flurry of sparkles, and she screamed out her husband's name. When Vernon -and Dudley hobbling behind him- came, he started yelling at me with Dudley snickering in the background and Petunia smirking with her eyes glittering in perverse pleasure -I swear! I truly think that woman is a sadist (that's her nickname from me anyway, Petunia=Sadist, Vernon=Crayola, Dudley=Creature) -- I won't call them animals or creatures, because I don't want to insult all the animals and creatures in the world- when the beating started, and all I could do was try to focus on something other than the pain, and when they dragged me into the kitchen, I saw my little sister -that I adopted- Harmony. *~*Harmony Marie Annie Minerva Snape! What in the fuckin' bloody HELL happened to you?! *~* ~*~Heron Orion Jamison Taylor Potter! Will you please lower your voice??~*~ *~*Sorry. Anyway, I'm getting you outta here.*~* ~*~How? And what about you?~*~ *~*Don't worry about me. You're my top priority right now.*~* ~*~What?! How can you say that?! You're going with me you know!~*~ *~*I know. I was going with you anyway. Now, hold on for a minute, okay?*~* ~*~Wait a minute! What are you doing?~*~ *~*.....*~* ~*~Heron? Heron? HERON?!~*~ *~*SSSHHH..... don't worry Harmony.*~* After I transferred her pain to my own during the rape they were giving me (Vernon and Dudley I mean) (during the conversation Harmony and I were having) -I'm still trying to find out how I'm not dead yet from all their weight on me- and healed Harmony to the best of my ability -in the condition I was in- and I was thrown in the cupboard under the stairs with Harmony thrown after. Harmony and I soon got a plan, and put it in action when I was 7 ½ years old and she was 7. We ran from the Dursley's house until I saw the address where a nice family herded Harmony onto the front step. Before she rang the doorbell, I pulled her into a hug, gave her a kiss on the head, told her what to say, and told her I love her and good luck. As I ran around the corner, I heard her ask, "Hello. Are you Mrs. Granger? Hi, I'm Har-- I mean Hermione." As I leaned against the wall, I smiled. Leave it to Harmony to think of an alias. When I heard Mrs. Granger and Harmony enter and close the door, I start out to the other safe house. As I was turning a corner just 5 blocks from Harmony's new house, I came face to face with Vernon. My eyes flew wide open. I tried to get away, but Vernon caught me. He was so strong, and I was so scared, that I forgot I could do magic (He was so angry that he reminded me why I gave him the name 'Crayola'). When we got to the Dursley's house, Vernon (Crayola) raped me, Petunia (Sadist) beat me, and Dudley (Creature) burned me with anything he could get his hands on--matches and lighters -he's a pyromaniac that loves to burn me-- not set fire to me- and then Vernon called some of his friends. It was like a whore house. After I was put through this torture, I was thrown back in the cupboard until the next day when it continued again. It continued until I got my letter, but started back up every summer, except the one after 3rd year. 


	2. A Dark and Romantic Secret Revealed!

Forbidden  
  
Everyday I see him, watch him, gaze at him, anytime I can.  
  
Everyday I want to talk to him, walk with him, laugh with him, yet I can't.  
  
Everyday I want to hug him, to kiss him, to touch him, wondering if he sees me, wondering if he hears me, wondering if he wants to talk to me.  
  
Every night I want to see him, watch him, gaze at him, any time I want to.  
  
Every night I want to talk to him, walk with him, laugh with him, all the time.  
  
Every night I want to hug him, kiss him, touch him, when he's lying right next to me.  
  
Every time I look at him, I want to shiver- shiver in excitement and pleasure.  
  
Every time I daydream, I think of him, with sweat glistening in the sunshine off his creamy, smooth chest, down to his 6- pack, down his sculptured muscles and body.  
  
Every time I fall asleep and dream, I think of me, writhing with pleasure under him, while he plunges his rock hard cock deep into me, while I scream in pleasure, and I want to groan in disappointment when he takes his shaft out of me, then moan in enjoyment when he inserts himself in me again, stroking and touching me as I quiver as I am on my way into ecstasy. I want to hear him grunt as he comes within me and ejaculates his sperm, his seed, and hear myself yell as I have an organism.  
  
Every time I wake up after that, and realize that I am in my bed and not in his.  
  
Every time I think of that dream, I know that I cannot have him.  
  
I cannot have him because he is untouchable.  
  
He is my hidden desire.  
  
He is my hidden love.  
  
To everyone else, he is free.  
  
When I see someone looking at him, I want to mark him as my own.  
  
But I can't.  
  
To everyone else, he is available.  
  
To everyone else, they can have a dream-come-true, and bed him.  
  
But not to me.  
  
To me, he is like a forbidden fruit.  
  
He is a forbidden person to me.  
  
To me, he is my love that is out of bounds.  
  
To me, he is forbidden.  
  
For he is MY forbidden, for he is my godfather that is only one thing to me.  
  
Forbidden. 


	3. ATTENTION READERS

ATTENTION READERS  
  
Hey everyone! Unfortunately, this is not a chapter. You see, since I have High School midterms and writers block, I won't be able to update or anything. Sorry! Anyway, criticism and helpful hints are always welcome. Just remember now people, even though I cannot update, doesn't mean that I can't review, so.. SHOW ME THE STORIES!!!!!!!  
  
~Celestial Slytherin-Black 


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